my Daddy

I won't reveal too much about Him. I love him too much to do anything to jeopardize His RL (Real Life).

He is probably the most intelligent man I know, yet he "holds back", I can tell ;-p  He has a peace about him that I've only encountered in people a few times in my life. When we voice chat I melt from his voice. I love that I can laugh and be silly, then in the next moment be an intelligent woman. He is the first person I've been able to truly open up to. I've got girl-friends I can talk to. But I'm too embarrassed to share about sexual desires and fantasies. I can tell him my biggest fear and my most dirty little secret, and I feel loved and understood.

Our time together started out as him being a submissive to me in a virtual world. Wow... that was over a year ago now. It was more of an experiment on His part, he's said. His main avatar is a Master. But he was the most fantastic submissive. I've always thought, it takes a great submissive to be a great Dom/Domme. Back then I fell for him, but I did my best to not 'let on'. Circumstance separated us for some months. We started talking again, more as friends, which I loved. Letting the walls down allowed me to see a bit of his depth. I asked him again to be Mine, yet he graciously declined. I had hurt Him before. I understood and I was so very happy to be able to call him friend.

It was through our chatting that it came out I was aching for a Master. I'd been a Mistress to many in this virtual world. I started out in that BDSM arena as a submissive. A friend I'd known for a while accepted my begging to be collared by him. He taught me much before I'd even thought of kneeling and I learned more being at his (virtual) feet. He was a kind and strict Master. He said I was the best slave he'd ever had. *smiles wide* I adopted much of his Dominant beliefs and feel that doing so has made me an exceptional Domme. But.. that's a story for another post *winks*

My Daddy. I do my best not to fawn over him too much. We have a private journal that I write in. He reads it and gets to know me. I will sometimes forget that he reads it. Now and then I'll see a comment from Him in it *smiles*. For a long time it was a requirement. Daily i HAD to write something. Now, here I am writing often in it and even wanting to start this blog. I love to write. I've been told I write well. I don't know if I'm grammatically or technically correct. I just write what I think and feel.

He's sooooo incredibly handsome. He's about 10 years older than me, a fact which I'm most happy with. I think older men are so much more interesting, less threatened with a woman who has half a brain, and know what they want in life. We live in the same time zone, which is nice. From what he's said, he's got a lovely family. I'd never want to do anything to risk hurting them. I'm not that selfish. He's greying which i also find so incredibly hot, and he's got these piercing eyes. His smile just makes my heart melt.

Before I even saw a picture him, I knew how I felt about. I didnt care what he looked like. His mind touched me in ways that no one ever has. When I logged in that avatar and knelt before Him for that first time, it was as if I was free. My body reacted in ways I'd never EVER felt in my life. The combination of trust, admiration, friendship... everything. I felt so comfortable and.. so at home. He was the One. He was my One.

How I feel often with him....

((Image found at this blogsite: http://remakingmosaic.blogspot.com/))

I feel so vulnerable. It frightens me at times. I've opened myself up, peeled back the layers. I can see how I'm 'naked' and so... so under his control, his spell.... I'm His. His possession, His babygirl, His fuck toy.

We have talked at length about our pet names. We both have kids, we've both questioned, is it crossing a line? We've discussed things and have said at times in some way "yes, that's too weird and not right". I am uber protective of my kids. It took me months to find a home that wasnt in a half mile of a pedophile. The last thing I want to do is to 'create' a monster by being a babygirl to a man. I have thought at great length, and I'm very comfortable with the 'roles' we have taken. I'd not change a thing.


I joke that he's ruined me. I'll always compare men to him. He's more to me than I think I can even understand. Its so rare to have it all fall into place. But it has, and I adore him.. I love him and its as if each day is like the first. My heart races and I feel all weak. Its been 6 months since I first virtually knelt before him. And I dream of doing that in RL some day. But.. regardless of that dream, every day I wake comforted to have him in my life. To have him guide me. I would have no qualms about turning over every aspect of my life to him. I trust him... BUT...  ((There is always that "But" hahaha)) to be continued...