two hands and one heart

A Task From Daddy

Last week Daddy had a task for me. I was to crop my ass 12 times, then straddle his boot and grind my pussy against it until I came. If there were issues doing that I was to, while stradling still, use a vibrator and cum on his boot. After doing that I was to lick it clean and thank him for the task.

First I cropped my ass. I struck it more than he instructed. I tested different ways. The hard on strikes made me almost fall over with cringing pain. Then.. I tried more controlled,  not so hard but fast slaps, gradually getting a bit harder. Oh they hurt, but it was more like a climbing pain, one that was like a stamina building.. escalating. The sudden strikes.. they will take getting used to perhaps.. or not used to, but accustomed to. I want to find a way to redistribute the pain. BUT.. i think if I were to be into my Master's space, that subspace, I think I would handle more than I'd realize.

 I took the boot from the closet and hugged it as I breathed in the leather. I used an extra pillow, raised the boot a bit. My ass was still stinging a bit. I straddled it, then reached down and parted my lips to place the toe of his boot on the clit. I was pleasantly surprised how it felt. Moving my hips back and forth, mmmm.. it was rubbing my clit so nicely. It was like a teasing rub. I started to remind myself, relax, not a race, slip into Master. Then I thought.. Ohhh the vibe clamps! Ohh those are intense. One side of the clamp does have little teeth, the other side is flat. Then... when they aren't turned up to the max, they do feel good, that hypnotic pain-good. But.. Ohhh and when they are on high vibe.. Ohhhhh my goodness!! (oh aching just thinking of it) I also got the vibrator as well.

I had the clamps on, straddling his boot. I thought to myself, "I need to have my hole over Daddy's boot so I will cum on the toe" So I positioned Daddy's throbbing fuck hole over the toe, pressed the vibe just above my swollen clit, and turned the clamp vibes on high. WOW the intensity!

I pressed the vibe, feeling myself slip into daddy. Feeling him in my mind as I was obeying him. Doing my best to please him. My body was on fire. I took the crop and started to repeatedly spank my right ass cheek.. over and over, quickly. It was during all these sensations that the pain and the pleasure were mixing so incredibly well. I kept whispering aloud "Thank You Daddy.. Thank You"  My nipples pinched so tightly hurting but the vibrations tickling them, me on my knees straddling his boot, the vibe by my clit and the crop consistantly on my ass. I felt this pang of wishing Daddy was there, but then the ache of feeling him deep within me. My being his good slut.. needing to be his good slut. My voice whined and whimpered as I kept going. It did cross my mind that if Daddy was there, I would beg him to please crop me as I was, to let the sensations mix. Then.. I would be able to slip deeper into Him.

I knew the orgasm was near, with the vibe my pussy will sometimes actually do these sort of pre-orgasm orgasm-type long contractions and then my clit will feel that uber-sensative pulse. It happened twice within a minute or so, I remember saying "Oh Daddy.. so so close". Then, I felt it, I said the word in my head over and over, hearing Daddy's voice. I didnt realize that I stopped cropping, I didnt stop consciously, but I remember during the orgasm thinking "fuck I stopped" and wished I hadn't. The feel of the orgasm made me stop *pouts*

As my orgasm subsided, my eyes felt that sort of swollen sensation, from the rush of blood I'm guessing. I removed the vibe, took a pic of my face as it showed me still aching, I didnt send it to Daddy though. I took a pic of the nipple as I pulled it a bit. Its amazing how the vibration and the pain balance out. But when the vibe stops, Oooo those little teeth on it are like JAWS. And pulling them off.. Oooooo I thought of what Daddy's told me. That I should have them pulled off while having the orgasm. I thought "If Daddy was here, he'd do that" these clamps cant be pulled tho, it would rip off my nipple! They have to be "opened" to be removed.

As I sat back I thanked Daddy for letting me be his. I'm so fortunate to have him in my life, even the bit that I have, I'm grateful for.

Boot time - Licking Daddy's Boot

Daddy tasked me to do something in RL that I've done many times in the Virtual World. To kneel and lick his boots. To kiss them with passion. To tend to them lovingly as my tongue licks at the leather to shine it.

I have a pair of "butch" boots. Sorta like biker boots. Black leather, thick sole, laces on the front but also zipper up the side, up over the ankles. When he brought up the task, my heart skipped. I knew I was going to enjoy doing that for him. I was pleasantly surprised how I took to it. I took some pics for him as well.


The feeling of the leather against my flat tongue as I slowly dragged it across the toe... it was mesmerizing. I didn't have any fear of "where was I last time I wore these". I just knew that what I was doing felt so good. It made my pussy ache.. one, because I was obeying my Master, two, because my mind had slipped into him and I could almost sense him there. He is buried so deeply in me. His voice echos in my mind. I could hear him as I was kneeling and licking. "There's my good girl, lick Daddy's boots nice and clean" I could almost imagine his hand along my back. I could almost feel my body tense as he reached those so very ticklish spots on my back.

Last night I said 'good night' to him as I clutched a boot. My chest on the floor, ass up in the air, my arm around the boot. I lay my cheek onto the boot and just slipped into him. Feeling him. Feeling how my mind spins when it if filled with thoughts of him.

I ache to place my lips upon his boot.

Much to catch up on...

Goodness!! Daddy's been home and I've been tasked some incredibly moving things. So much to talk about!!

But right this moment, this very second.. I'm still a bit lost in him. We just finished a text chat. Some are more "RL" where we may discuss our daily agenda or perhaps he only has popped in to say hello. He's so wonderful how even when he's so busy, he'll still pop online to say hello. Not a day goes by (except for the rare occasion he's out of town) that he and I don't chat and connect in some way shape or form. He is so good to me. I've always said that actions speak louder. And my Daddy's actions speak louder than he does. He doesn't get overly mushy. But from time to time he does, and it melts me beyond description.

Right now.. I still have the remnants of "him". It only takes a few words.. a phrase from him.. and I'm slipping into him. The conversation lead to me getting a collar for RL. My RL partner and I have discussed it. We often dabble in the BDSM, but for reasons I don't need to go into. He (RL partner)  will never be 'deep' into the lifestyle. But I've brought enough of what I've learned into our lives that its made our intimacy a lot more fun <smiles wide> So.. I asked Daddy if he found one for me that he liked, I would buy it. I would LOVE to wear it when we have our together time. It took just one phrase from him and I slipped so very hard into him... "using the collar ring to grab hold of... pushing my cock just a little deeper in that lovely throat"   <sighs and feels her mind slip> Ohhhh Daddy.... Mmmm my Master.. I so crave to be used by You. I slip into him.. I feel that subspace creeping in.  I'll have to do a post about how it feels to me. It's a form of hypnosis I think. I found a post about subspace and it hit home. I'll have to see if I can find it. I feel him still.. I feel how my head spins.. my eyes burn a bit and my breathing slips into those long deep slow breaths. I am so His.

Do I keep slipping more every day? Can it be possible? I dont know.. but it sure feels as if I do. <sighs and breaths a long content breath> I love you so Daddy.. I love you more than I thought I could. More than perhaps I should, but the depth and breadth of what I feel is all You, uniquely You, overwhelmingly You.

<breaths deeply> Ok. I'll stop the mushiness <grins>

I'm sure I'll have much more to write today to catch up :)

Daddy returns

Be still my heart *smiles* Ever been so relieved that you exhale and you didnt realize you were holding your breath? Thats how I feel at this moment.

I've missed my friend. The lump in my throat, the feeling of relief in my gut.... I'm so smitten, enamored,  infatuated, and perhaps obsessed with Him.

Does it make me weak to accept that in being a babygirl for him, I need him? Does it make me weak to accept that  yes, I need to be pushed. I am a smart, strong, and creative woman. But, I've always had that part of me that just didnt push myself. I was always the "B" student that got the "if she only applied herself" notations on her report card. It's almost a relief to accept I  "need". For so long I fought to accept "I dont need anyone". I think we all need someone. Hmmm... but what is the depth of that need? Interesting questions. Perhaps it must balance with trust? Perhaps someday he'll trust me as I do him. Until that time,I must accept the way things are. I must accept that in my 'needing' I'm vulerable. Being vulerable can be a scarey thing.

Anyway.. I'm rambling. Enough for now. I'm just pleased he is home. Such a relief

Tintin is on.

Master vs. Daddy... and Tasks

When Daddy and I play a bit... rougher... we seem to slide into a Master/slave frame of mind. When I'm bound (remember this is Virtual, unless I state that I've done something in RL) and He is using me as a fuck toy, I refer to him as Master, and I am his girl or slut or fuck toy or whatever He chooses to refer to me as.

Daddy's been on a business trip. He left me a list of tasks to perform while He was away. He was able to email once a day, but that is a big difference from the time we get to text chat, email, and play in our VW (virtual world) most days. We are also able to voice chat once or twice a week. <sighs at the thought of his voice>

Today's task.. I had to masturbate and cum twice, outside of a building. I was able to perform his other tasks so far. I had two writting tasks and then yesterday I had to gag myself with a dildo for 5 minutes before I was allowed to cum. Today tho, I was only able to cum once. I was in my car and I came hard as my fingers teased and circled my clit and as I fantisized about Him. There were RL issues that kept me from being able to complete the task, to cum twice. I hope Master will understand.

Has been a long day. Time for bed.

my Daddy

I won't reveal too much about Him. I love him too much to do anything to jeopardize His RL (Real Life).

He is probably the most intelligent man I know, yet he "holds back", I can tell ;-p  He has a peace about him that I've only encountered in people a few times in my life. When we voice chat I melt from his voice. I love that I can laugh and be silly, then in the next moment be an intelligent woman. He is the first person I've been able to truly open up to. I've got girl-friends I can talk to. But I'm too embarrassed to share about sexual desires and fantasies. I can tell him my biggest fear and my most dirty little secret, and I feel loved and understood.

Our time together started out as him being a submissive to me in a virtual world. Wow... that was over a year ago now. It was more of an experiment on His part, he's said. His main avatar is a Master. But he was the most fantastic submissive. I've always thought, it takes a great submissive to be a great Dom/Domme. Back then I fell for him, but I did my best to not 'let on'. Circumstance separated us for some months. We started talking again, more as friends, which I loved. Letting the walls down allowed me to see a bit of his depth. I asked him again to be Mine, yet he graciously declined. I had hurt Him before. I understood and I was so very happy to be able to call him friend.

It was through our chatting that it came out I was aching for a Master. I'd been a Mistress to many in this virtual world. I started out in that BDSM arena as a submissive. A friend I'd known for a while accepted my begging to be collared by him. He taught me much before I'd even thought of kneeling and I learned more being at his (virtual) feet. He was a kind and strict Master. He said I was the best slave he'd ever had. *smiles wide* I adopted much of his Dominant beliefs and feel that doing so has made me an exceptional Domme. But.. that's a story for another post *winks*

My Daddy. I do my best not to fawn over him too much. We have a private journal that I write in. He reads it and gets to know me. I will sometimes forget that he reads it. Now and then I'll see a comment from Him in it *smiles*. For a long time it was a requirement. Daily i HAD to write something. Now, here I am writing often in it and even wanting to start this blog. I love to write. I've been told I write well. I don't know if I'm grammatically or technically correct. I just write what I think and feel.

He's sooooo incredibly handsome. He's about 10 years older than me, a fact which I'm most happy with. I think older men are so much more interesting, less threatened with a woman who has half a brain, and know what they want in life. We live in the same time zone, which is nice. From what he's said, he's got a lovely family. I'd never want to do anything to risk hurting them. I'm not that selfish. He's greying which i also find so incredibly hot, and he's got these piercing eyes. His smile just makes my heart melt.

Before I even saw a picture him, I knew how I felt about. I didnt care what he looked like. His mind touched me in ways that no one ever has. When I logged in that avatar and knelt before Him for that first time, it was as if I was free. My body reacted in ways I'd never EVER felt in my life. The combination of trust, admiration, friendship... everything. I felt so comfortable and.. so at home. He was the One. He was my One.

How I feel often with him....

((Image found at this blogsite: http://remakingmosaic.blogspot.com/))

I feel so vulnerable. It frightens me at times. I've opened myself up, peeled back the layers. I can see how I'm 'naked' and so... so under his control, his spell.... I'm His. His possession, His babygirl, His fuck toy.

We have talked at length about our pet names. We both have kids, we've both questioned, is it crossing a line? We've discussed things and have said at times in some way "yes, that's too weird and not right". I am uber protective of my kids. It took me months to find a home that wasnt in a half mile of a pedophile. The last thing I want to do is to 'create' a monster by being a babygirl to a man. I have thought at great length, and I'm very comfortable with the 'roles' we have taken. I'd not change a thing.


I joke that he's ruined me. I'll always compare men to him. He's more to me than I think I can even understand. Its so rare to have it all fall into place. But it has, and I adore him.. I love him and its as if each day is like the first. My heart races and I feel all weak. Its been 6 months since I first virtually knelt before him. And I dream of doing that in RL some day. But.. regardless of that dream, every day I wake comforted to have him in my life. To have him guide me. I would have no qualms about turning over every aspect of my life to him. I trust him... BUT...  ((There is always that "But" hahaha)) to be continued...

Why Blog About This?

Ever find out that you are curious about something, you do a web search, then you find out that little is out there about it? Perhaps that's why I'm doing this. *shrugs* For the most part I'm doing it as a means of expressing myself as I delve the thoughts, ideas, and feelings of this new found.... this new found fetish that I've been "living". I use quotes because its a virtual D/s "relationship" of sorts. Virtual meaning W/we (my Daddy-Dom and I) met in a virtual world and we live out our D/s (or DD/bg) lives together there.

This blog isn't necessarily going to talk just about Him and i. But if it weren't for Him, for His being curious if I had ever referred to a Dominate as "Daddy", that spark.. the FIRE wouldn't been lit.

I hope to connect with other babygirls and learn from them. It's amazing how much of the babygirl 'fetish' that I read about is in me, its like a light bulb going off every time I come across another babygirl blog. Me? Me! I'm a 40 year old married woman with two kids, a mortgage, and bills. I live out my fantasies in the virtual world because my husband, even tho he and I play a bit with light bondage and pain, he doesn't have in him what I need and due to our history the trust that is needed, that I feel I need in a DaddyDom, isn't there.

((image is from a sort of repost from a tumblr blog : http://dilemmalee.tumblr.com/post/12572143047))


I feel like I'm about to burst. I've experienced so many new feelings, sensations, and.. like this growth in me that is filling me with such... such love.

I have a DaddyDom (whom I will refer to as just Daddy) that I love. I love Him more than I thought I could, more than I should, and so incredibly... I just cant put it into words. How different it is. How, how fulfilling.. how freeing!

My heart is so full when I think of Him. I crave to kneel before Him and I crave to serve Him. I have given myself to Him. But that is for another blog post *winks*

A side note, He's in a committed RL relationship and no, neither one of us is about to selfishly turn our Real Lives upside down to be together. Do I hope someday to be with Him? It is a dream. I'm allowed to dream. *smiles wide*