Just 'off'

((I started this last night, but sleep got the best of me))

Daddy's been out of (normal) touch for 5 days now. It's been the longest 5 days. He's been gone before, but it seemed as if he was in contact more. Perhaps the fact that he'll be gone for weeks this time is in the back of my mind.

Me, I was sick for a few days. I hated to tell him about it. I didn't want to take away from his vacation. But, I knew if I didn't, he'd be more cross with me. I've had to have some tests done, hopefully all will be ok... Tummy issues.

I had a good cry last night. I was missing him so badly. I vented a bit via email. All the while bawling hard. I think it helped. I'd not been able to eat, I was tired, frustrated, still had things that needed to be done for my boys (2 sons). It definitely cleared my head.

I've felt "off" since he's been gone. The longer I know him, the more I feel as if he's definitely a balance in my life. It's a new feeling for me. I was always told to not 'need' anyone, especially a man! hehe. But the need I feel for him doesn't stem from a weakness. It's like it stems from something deeper. He is such a part of me. His voice is in my head. His words of wisdom. He laugh.

I think of him and my body instantly reacts in some way or another. Right now, with him being gone so much, its an ache in my heart. It's like that home-sickness that is felt to the depth of your core when you just dont have that foundation that you need. I am a strong and intelligent woman. But I am also Daddy's babygirl. The day I gave myself to him, that I submitted my entire being t him, I was given permission to need him. He's smart, he knows the responsibility that comes with owning someone. I don't think he took collaring me lightly.

BAH! I'm rambling and whats worse my mind is skipping from one thought to another. Enough for now.