An aching need... my Daddy... a mushy moment

This pic, I saw it and felt my head spin and my pussy throb. Every day I dream of kneeling before Daddy. I picture it in my head, my body reacts, my heart races, my eyes water, my face flushes. I'm not sure if I'm ashamed to say this or what, but I'm a 40 year old woman and I don't think I've ever wanted something so badly. It's such a new feeling, to NEED to kneel. I don't want to kneel to just anyone. Hell, my virtual abilities as a Mistress are very good. Many a man has knelt before me in the Virtual World (and sounded as if they did in the RL *winks*), professed their devotion to me, begged me to take them as theirs. I have knelt in the past, but its never felt like this. This man, my Daddy, my Master... he is an extraordinary man.

I've never been with him in RL, but I feel as if I can trust him with my life.... huh.. wow.. that's some heavy stuff.

Anyway... back to the pic. It makes me ache to kneel before him even more.

Earlier I felt uber mushy with Daddy. I do my best to say in the moment. I'm not perfect. In fact, many of my thoughts are of the future, a future with Daddy. The mush moment happened because the thought of not ever being with him crossed my mind and  *damnit I'm tearing up* and i felt, feel my heart hurt and my stomach twist.... OHhh.. he's online.. brb...

Well, its been days since I started that post (above). I'm truly lucky to have Him in my life. If I never get to kneel before him, well "Life is what happens when we are busy making plans." But I'm most definatly a better woman for having known him.

Cumming for Daddy

I was a good girl today. I came so good for Daddy.

I was at work, writing him, and my mind started to wander. I was in the bathroom and I started IMing him on how I was going to cum for him today. I intended on being in the bathroom, on my knees, his pen in my pussy. I had the image in my head, I could feel the sensations in my pussy. I was also telling him about something I imaged...

This is me IMing Daddy... no *sighs* he wasnt there, but he'll get it later, and maybe read this. *grins and licks my lips as I feel my nipples harden*


12:00 PM
Daddy.. today I will cum like a good slut for you. I'll cum in the bathroom, on my knees, your pen in my pussy.
 I am your fuck toy, I NEED to be that. I have no choice. I had this image in my head as I was peeing earlier.
12:01 PM
(i think of you often then because when I pee sometimes I will feel it in my clit))
 I imagine myself laying on a bed, your inspecting me. Someone else was there. They weren't touching me, but stroking himself as he watched you.
You were whispering to me.
12:02 PM
"babygirls my sweet fuck toy, isnt that right?"
 I imagined laying there on my back with my legs parted as you were inspecting my wetness with your fingers.
 I imagined nodding and feeling myself slip into you, whispering back 'yes Daddy'
12:03 PM
You whisper "Do you have a choice babygirl?"
  I whimper and shake my head as my hips shiver and say louder "No DADDY! I dont have a choice!"
  my thighs jump because your fingers graze against my swollen clit.
12:04 PM
Daddy... I love to fantasize about you.
  I open your pictures, I look at them through drunken eyes...
  Imagining your there.
  *sighs feeling that delicious throb of Daddy's pussy
12:05 PM
 mmmmmm Daddy I do need you.
  I need to feel your cock gag me
12:06 PM
I need to feel your hand smack my ass as your hips thrust your cock so deeply into me that I scream in pain from the depth, hitting my cervix.. making me yelp as the air escapes my lungs.
12:07 PM
Daddy I need to feel my breasts against your thighs as my hands are bound behind my back.. breasts against your thighs because my mouth is being used as a fuck toy.
  Daddy.. I want my tummy issues healed, not so much for me, but I want my ass ready for you to deflower.
12:08 PM
I want my ass to be ready for your cock, your finger, or your plug.
  Oh god Daddy... I'm aching so fucking badly now...
  I need to touch myself..
  your pussy
  OOoooooo
12:09 PM
nice puddle forming at the entrance to your fuck hole.
  Oooo Daddy
  gets Daddy's pen from her purse
  Daddy I need to cum
  so badly.. so badly for you
12:10 PM
opens Daddy's pics
  sighhhhss sfeeling the ache more
  oh god daddy
12:11 PM
(slipped in pen.. standing at desk)
  sits .... fucking me with daddys pen
  whimpers oooh daddy
12:12 PM
oooo daddy.. a co-worker is in a office about 10 feet from me..
  i'll have to be very quiet
12:14 PM
sighhhsss daddyyyy
  20ft
12:15 PM
ohh daddyy
12:16 PM
daadddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
  ohhh fuck daddy
12:17 PM
*sighs a longgg happy breath
12:18 PM
 Daddy.. I think i was a good slut for you. I was very quiet.
  not even a loud breath.
  mmmmm daddy i needed that so badly
12:19 PM
Thank you so much to tasking me that.
  You know whats best for me, more than I do usually.
  I do feel better. I think its been days since your pussy has released.
12:20 PM
Thank you Daddy
12:21 PM
I feel 'me' being your slut, your girl.



*smiles wide*
Daddy.. I love you so much.

Amazing, she wrote my thoughts and didnt know it...

I found this website : www.babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com While reading one of the pages about babygirls and their Master/ Daddys.... I was blown away. How can this woman who is a perfect stranger write those words that were in my mind. I truly am his babygirl. Deep down, I dont know if I'd ever have it in me to look for nor even want another. The circumstances in which my Daddy and I have grown together are so unique, I think even an earnest effort to recreate them would be fruitless.

Here are some exerpts that.... *laughs softly*... that were pulled from my mind.


In order for a babygirl to truly be herself with her Daddy, its vital that she find the One that she trusts completely and without hesitation. This trust starts outside of the 'dungeon'. Her trust must be unwaivering and is a neccesity before the relationship can be fulfilling for B/both. A girl's submission and trust is her gift to her Master, a gift that must never be tarnished by her Daddy. A Daddy is unwaivering and consistent, which allows you to trust withough hesitation. you know you've found the One meant for you when you can say and honestly feel as though there is nothing that your Daddy would ask, that you'd not do.

I wont go on with what it says, but check the link here : http://www.babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com/whatisababygirl.htm  I am grateful that she took the time to write it. Even more grateful that I'm not alone in my thoughts and feelings.

She spoke of a "safe haven"  Daddy is that for me. He is the calm in my storm. He is the spark that ignites the flames that burn so deeply within me, I'd no idea that for so long they smoldered beneath what society smothered them with.

I'll write later of my tasks for today.

Last nights Task & Today's Kiss for Daddy

I'm in a weird mood today. I call it my 'safe mode'. It's like I'm sorta neutral? I don't sense any ups or downs. I haven't had my heart beat hard for good or bad reasons. Perhaps I'm tired, perhaps it's just be being out of balance. This 'mode' isnt me. I'm generally in good spirits. I like to smile, I like how smiling affects others. So.. perhaps its a good thing I write this. I dont like feeling so distant from Daddy. I miss him terribly *sighs feeling my eyes burn a bit*

Today's Kiss... I have seen this pic before. I think I've sent it to Daddy via email. It has so much passion and shows his power, I can almost feel her knees weaken at his touch *smiles and sighs softly*

Last night I completed part of my daily tasks, an orgasm, by cumming in my computer chair while watching a chick on porntube (or some porn site) going down on a guy. OH.. MY.. GOD.. she was freakin' incredible. Heather Brooke was her name. She looks so young. But she sucked his cock sSOooo well. I IMed Daddy that I wanted to be hypnotized so my gag reflex wouldn't affect me when I suck cock. I would love to take Daddy's cock deep like she did.

As I was saying, I was at the computer, watching the videos, watching her take the long cock deep. I had my pink vibe held down on my clit, shorts already down around my feet, as I lay back and slip into the scene. The vibe can be so intense I have to actually keep it to one side of my clit. Its just WAY too intense to hold it on it or have direct connection. I've done it, with Daddy in voice, he's pushed me to hold it there as long as I can. Of course I end up screaming and my body shuddering. Its just SOOO intense!!! I've been driven to tears with its intensity right on the clit. ((Hearing Daddy whisper encouragement and direct me to keep it there longer makes me sooo freakin' wet))

The man on the video was just about to cum as I felt my orgasm climbing. I imagined the girl being me, and the man Daddy. Looking up to him as I wiggle my head down his shaft, shoving his cock a bit deeper. I came sooo hard. That vibe has a way of making my muscles contract and hold a bit longer with each wave. One time I touched my post-orgasm clit with the vibe when removing it.. HOLYyyy shit that made me jump!! HAhaha

I was a good girl and able to go to the gym as well. I didn't do a major work out as I was still a bit tired from my tummy issues earlier in the week. I was on the treadmill for 30 minutes and went through some of the weight machines, upper body. Today I've been able to eat a bit more and tonight intend on doing a High Intensity class at the gym. :)

I actually feel better writing. Amazing how writing (and recalling an orgasm) can brighten ones spirits. :~}

I miss Daddy so much. *sighs feeling my throat swell* I've tried not to think of missing him today, stay in my safe mode, but he's such a huge part of me I cant deny that I miss him. Yes.. some days we don't contact each other that much, but there is just something about knowing I'll be lucky if I get a couple sentences a day for the next couple weeks. It makes my throat swell up. If you read this Daddy.. I know we only have this moment. But.. forgive me for being selfish and wanting you for all my moments. *swallows hard and blinks back the burning tears* I love you.

Serving your Mistress or Master

I found this at this link, it is very interesting :)

I saw the other day on Femdombride.com that Goddess Starla had gotten fired from her job. She came home obviously very sad and depressed but was greeted by Randy who knew just how to service her to cheer her up a bit. Randy’s such a good husband slave. I know that because as soon as Goddess Starla walked in the door he could ll that she was not feeling too good and he immediately went about finding a way to change her mood. A good slave has to be hyper sensitive to their Master’s or Mistress’s feelings.

There have been countless times when Master has come home in a fowl mood and I have had to judge whether it’s the type of mood that I can change by servicing him or whether it’s the kind of mood that is unalterable and I should just go sit in the corner silently until the clouds have disapeared. It’s not always easy judging your Master’s moods. There have been times, in the begining where I would just seem to sometimes make him worse off than he was but I quickly learned to decipher the variations of grumpiness so that I now know what to do when confronted with a particular state of mind.

Sometimes all that a nasty temperament requires is for me to throw myself down upon my knees and to kiss his boots to show how happy I am that he has just walked into the door. Other times a back rub will do the trick  or even a blow job. When he is in the worst of moods complete submission is usually the best route and I’ll sometimes misbehave so that he’ll have to punish me and in doing so release some of his pent up feelings.  Randy judged Starla perfectly as he gets down to worship her shoes and feet. By the end of the episode, Starla is even wearing a little smile on her lips as she shoves her foot deep into Randy’s mouth. Looking at these pictures made me realize one of the many important duties that a slave has to his or her Master or Mistress and that is to properly service them even when they are in horribly bad moods!

Go to the link to see the pics. I DREAM of being able to please Daddy 24/7. 

A Task From Daddy

Last week Daddy had a task for me. I was to crop my ass 12 times, then straddle his boot and grind my pussy against it until I came. If there were issues doing that I was to, while stradling still, use a vibrator and cum on his boot. After doing that I was to lick it clean and thank him for the task.

First I cropped my ass. I struck it more than he instructed. I tested different ways. The hard on strikes made me almost fall over with cringing pain. Then.. I tried more controlled,  not so hard but fast slaps, gradually getting a bit harder. Oh they hurt, but it was more like a climbing pain, one that was like a stamina building.. escalating. The sudden strikes.. they will take getting used to perhaps.. or not used to, but accustomed to. I want to find a way to redistribute the pain. BUT.. i think if I were to be into my Master's space, that subspace, I think I would handle more than I'd realize.

 I took the boot from the closet and hugged it as I breathed in the leather. I used an extra pillow, raised the boot a bit. My ass was still stinging a bit. I straddled it, then reached down and parted my lips to place the toe of his boot on the clit. I was pleasantly surprised how it felt. Moving my hips back and forth, mmmm.. it was rubbing my clit so nicely. It was like a teasing rub. I started to remind myself, relax, not a race, slip into Master. Then I thought.. Ohhh the vibe clamps! Ohh those are intense. One side of the clamp does have little teeth, the other side is flat. Then... when they aren't turned up to the max, they do feel good, that hypnotic pain-good. But.. Ohhh and when they are on high vibe.. Ohhhhh my goodness!! (oh aching just thinking of it) I also got the vibrator as well.

I had the clamps on, straddling his boot. I thought to myself, "I need to have my hole over Daddy's boot so I will cum on the toe" So I positioned Daddy's throbbing fuck hole over the toe, pressed the vibe just above my swollen clit, and turned the clamp vibes on high. WOW the intensity!

I pressed the vibe, feeling myself slip into daddy. Feeling him in my mind as I was obeying him. Doing my best to please him. My body was on fire. I took the crop and started to repeatedly spank my right ass cheek.. over and over, quickly. It was during all these sensations that the pain and the pleasure were mixing so incredibly well. I kept whispering aloud "Thank You Daddy.. Thank You"  My nipples pinched so tightly hurting but the vibrations tickling them, me on my knees straddling his boot, the vibe by my clit and the crop consistantly on my ass. I felt this pang of wishing Daddy was there, but then the ache of feeling him deep within me. My being his good slut.. needing to be his good slut. My voice whined and whimpered as I kept going. It did cross my mind that if Daddy was there, I would beg him to please crop me as I was, to let the sensations mix. Then.. I would be able to slip deeper into Him.

I knew the orgasm was near, with the vibe my pussy will sometimes actually do these sort of pre-orgasm orgasm-type long contractions and then my clit will feel that uber-sensative pulse. It happened twice within a minute or so, I remember saying "Oh Daddy.. so so close". Then, I felt it, I said the word in my head over and over, hearing Daddy's voice. I didnt realize that I stopped cropping, I didnt stop consciously, but I remember during the orgasm thinking "fuck I stopped" and wished I hadn't. The feel of the orgasm made me stop *pouts*

As my orgasm subsided, my eyes felt that sort of swollen sensation, from the rush of blood I'm guessing. I removed the vibe, took a pic of my face as it showed me still aching, I didnt send it to Daddy though. I took a pic of the nipple as I pulled it a bit. Its amazing how the vibration and the pain balance out. But when the vibe stops, Oooo those little teeth on it are like JAWS. And pulling them off.. Oooooo I thought of what Daddy's told me. That I should have them pulled off while having the orgasm. I thought "If Daddy was here, he'd do that" these clamps cant be pulled tho, it would rip off my nipple! They have to be "opened" to be removed.

As I sat back I thanked Daddy for letting me be his. I'm so fortunate to have him in my life, even the bit that I have, I'm grateful for.

Boot time - Licking Daddy's Boot

Daddy tasked me to do something in RL that I've done many times in the Virtual World. To kneel and lick his boots. To kiss them with passion. To tend to them lovingly as my tongue licks at the leather to shine it.

I have a pair of "butch" boots. Sorta like biker boots. Black leather, thick sole, laces on the front but also zipper up the side, up over the ankles. When he brought up the task, my heart skipped. I knew I was going to enjoy doing that for him. I was pleasantly surprised how I took to it. I took some pics for him as well.


The feeling of the leather against my flat tongue as I slowly dragged it across the toe... it was mesmerizing. I didn't have any fear of "where was I last time I wore these". I just knew that what I was doing felt so good. It made my pussy ache.. one, because I was obeying my Master, two, because my mind had slipped into him and I could almost sense him there. He is buried so deeply in me. His voice echos in my mind. I could hear him as I was kneeling and licking. "There's my good girl, lick Daddy's boots nice and clean" I could almost imagine his hand along my back. I could almost feel my body tense as he reached those so very ticklish spots on my back.

Last night I said 'good night' to him as I clutched a boot. My chest on the floor, ass up in the air, my arm around the boot. I lay my cheek onto the boot and just slipped into him. Feeling him. Feeling how my mind spins when it if filled with thoughts of him.

I ache to place my lips upon his boot.

Much to catch up on...

Goodness!! Daddy's been home and I've been tasked some incredibly moving things. So much to talk about!!

But right this moment, this very second.. I'm still a bit lost in him. We just finished a text chat. Some are more "RL" where we may discuss our daily agenda or perhaps he only has popped in to say hello. He's so wonderful how even when he's so busy, he'll still pop online to say hello. Not a day goes by (except for the rare occasion he's out of town) that he and I don't chat and connect in some way shape or form. He is so good to me. I've always said that actions speak louder. And my Daddy's actions speak louder than he does. He doesn't get overly mushy. But from time to time he does, and it melts me beyond description.

Right now.. I still have the remnants of "him". It only takes a few words.. a phrase from him.. and I'm slipping into him. The conversation lead to me getting a collar for RL. My RL partner and I have discussed it. We often dabble in the BDSM, but for reasons I don't need to go into. He (RL partner)  will never be 'deep' into the lifestyle. But I've brought enough of what I've learned into our lives that its made our intimacy a lot more fun <smiles wide> So.. I asked Daddy if he found one for me that he liked, I would buy it. I would LOVE to wear it when we have our together time. It took just one phrase from him and I slipped so very hard into him... "using the collar ring to grab hold of... pushing my cock just a little deeper in that lovely throat"   <sighs and feels her mind slip> Ohhhh Daddy.... Mmmm my Master.. I so crave to be used by You. I slip into him.. I feel that subspace creeping in.  I'll have to do a post about how it feels to me. It's a form of hypnosis I think. I found a post about subspace and it hit home. I'll have to see if I can find it. I feel him still.. I feel how my head spins.. my eyes burn a bit and my breathing slips into those long deep slow breaths. I am so His.

Do I keep slipping more every day? Can it be possible? I dont know.. but it sure feels as if I do. <sighs and breaths a long content breath> I love you so Daddy.. I love you more than I thought I could. More than perhaps I should, but the depth and breadth of what I feel is all You, uniquely You, overwhelmingly You.

<breaths deeply> Ok. I'll stop the mushiness <grins>

I'm sure I'll have much more to write today to catch up :)

Daddy returns

Be still my heart *smiles* Ever been so relieved that you exhale and you didnt realize you were holding your breath? Thats how I feel at this moment.

I've missed my friend. The lump in my throat, the feeling of relief in my gut.... I'm so smitten, enamored,  infatuated, and perhaps obsessed with Him.

Does it make me weak to accept that in being a babygirl for him, I need him? Does it make me weak to accept that  yes, I need to be pushed. I am a smart, strong, and creative woman. But, I've always had that part of me that just didnt push myself. I was always the "B" student that got the "if she only applied herself" notations on her report card. It's almost a relief to accept I  "need". For so long I fought to accept "I dont need anyone". I think we all need someone. Hmmm... but what is the depth of that need? Interesting questions. Perhaps it must balance with trust? Perhaps someday he'll trust me as I do him. Until that time,I must accept the way things are. I must accept that in my 'needing' I'm vulerable. Being vulerable can be a scarey thing.

Anyway.. I'm rambling. Enough for now. I'm just pleased he is home. Such a relief

Tintin is on.

my Daddy

I won't reveal too much about Him. I love him too much to do anything to jeopardize His RL (Real Life).

He is probably the most intelligent man I know, yet he "holds back", I can tell ;-p  He has a peace about him that I've only encountered in people a few times in my life. When we voice chat I melt from his voice. I love that I can laugh and be silly, then in the next moment be an intelligent woman. He is the first person I've been able to truly open up to. I've got girl-friends I can talk to. But I'm too embarrassed to share about sexual desires and fantasies. I can tell him my biggest fear and my most dirty little secret, and I feel loved and understood.

Our time together started out as him being a submissive to me in a virtual world. Wow... that was over a year ago now. It was more of an experiment on His part, he's said. His main avatar is a Master. But he was the most fantastic submissive. I've always thought, it takes a great submissive to be a great Dom/Domme. Back then I fell for him, but I did my best to not 'let on'. Circumstance separated us for some months. We started talking again, more as friends, which I loved. Letting the walls down allowed me to see a bit of his depth. I asked him again to be Mine, yet he graciously declined. I had hurt Him before. I understood and I was so very happy to be able to call him friend.

It was through our chatting that it came out I was aching for a Master. I'd been a Mistress to many in this virtual world. I started out in that BDSM arena as a submissive. A friend I'd known for a while accepted my begging to be collared by him. He taught me much before I'd even thought of kneeling and I learned more being at his (virtual) feet. He was a kind and strict Master. He said I was the best slave he'd ever had. *smiles wide* I adopted much of his Dominant beliefs and feel that doing so has made me an exceptional Domme. But.. that's a story for another post *winks*

My Daddy. I do my best not to fawn over him too much. We have a private journal that I write in. He reads it and gets to know me. I will sometimes forget that he reads it. Now and then I'll see a comment from Him in it *smiles*. For a long time it was a requirement. Daily i HAD to write something. Now, here I am writing often in it and even wanting to start this blog. I love to write. I've been told I write well. I don't know if I'm grammatically or technically correct. I just write what I think and feel.

He's sooooo incredibly handsome. He's about 10 years older than me, a fact which I'm most happy with. I think older men are so much more interesting, less threatened with a woman who has half a brain, and know what they want in life. We live in the same time zone, which is nice. From what he's said, he's got a lovely family. I'd never want to do anything to risk hurting them. I'm not that selfish. He's greying which i also find so incredibly hot, and he's got these piercing eyes. His smile just makes my heart melt.

Before I even saw a picture him, I knew how I felt about. I didnt care what he looked like. His mind touched me in ways that no one ever has. When I logged in that avatar and knelt before Him for that first time, it was as if I was free. My body reacted in ways I'd never EVER felt in my life. The combination of trust, admiration, friendship... everything. I felt so comfortable and.. so at home. He was the One. He was my One.

How I feel often with him....

((Image found at this blogsite: http://remakingmosaic.blogspot.com/))

I feel so vulnerable. It frightens me at times. I've opened myself up, peeled back the layers. I can see how I'm 'naked' and so... so under his control, his spell.... I'm His. His possession, His babygirl, His fuck toy.

We have talked at length about our pet names. We both have kids, we've both questioned, is it crossing a line? We've discussed things and have said at times in some way "yes, that's too weird and not right". I am uber protective of my kids. It took me months to find a home that wasnt in a half mile of a pedophile. The last thing I want to do is to 'create' a monster by being a babygirl to a man. I have thought at great length, and I'm very comfortable with the 'roles' we have taken. I'd not change a thing.


I joke that he's ruined me. I'll always compare men to him. He's more to me than I think I can even understand. Its so rare to have it all fall into place. But it has, and I adore him.. I love him and its as if each day is like the first. My heart races and I feel all weak. Its been 6 months since I first virtually knelt before him. And I dream of doing that in RL some day. But.. regardless of that dream, every day I wake comforted to have him in my life. To have him guide me. I would have no qualms about turning over every aspect of my life to him. I trust him... BUT...  ((There is always that "But" hahaha)) to be continued...