An aching need... my Daddy... a mushy moment

This pic, I saw it and felt my head spin and my pussy throb. Every day I dream of kneeling before Daddy. I picture it in my head, my body reacts, my heart races, my eyes water, my face flushes. I'm not sure if I'm ashamed to say this or what, but I'm a 40 year old woman and I don't think I've ever wanted something so badly. It's such a new feeling, to NEED to kneel. I don't want to kneel to just anyone. Hell, my virtual abilities as a Mistress are very good. Many a man has knelt before me in the Virtual World (and sounded as if they did in the RL *winks*), professed their devotion to me, begged me to take them as theirs. I have knelt in the past, but its never felt like this. This man, my Daddy, my Master... he is an extraordinary man.

I've never been with him in RL, but I feel as if I can trust him with my life.... huh.. wow.. that's some heavy stuff.

Anyway... back to the pic. It makes me ache to kneel before him even more.

Earlier I felt uber mushy with Daddy. I do my best to say in the moment. I'm not perfect. In fact, many of my thoughts are of the future, a future with Daddy. The mush moment happened because the thought of not ever being with him crossed my mind and  *damnit I'm tearing up* and i felt, feel my heart hurt and my stomach twist.... OHhh.. he's online.. brb...

Well, its been days since I started that post (above). I'm truly lucky to have Him in my life. If I never get to kneel before him, well "Life is what happens when we are busy making plans." But I'm most definatly a better woman for having known him.

Collared by Daddy

It was 3 months ago today (the 10th) that Daddy 'officially' collared me. *smiles all wiggly* Not just my avatar, but I think the best real-life long distance collaring that could have been done *smiles wide* He chose a collar online, sent me the money, and I ordered it. I LOVE IT. It has three rings on it (ohhhh the possibilities), its black, and it looks great on me. He had me get on my knees, he shared what giving me the collar meant. (mental note to see if he remember what he said exactly) I was so overwhelmed I remember that it touched me so much. Feeling it go around my neck. Hearing and feeling Daddy's words in my ears. I teared up and cried a bit. I dont know if he heard me, perhaps a bit. hehe. 

My gosh its gotten late.

Daddy knew that I didnt need a physical collar to feel collared by him. I gave myself to him. I had one moment in time when I chose of my free will to submit to him. To give myself to him. I am his to teach, to love, to use, to tease, to train, and so much more. From that moment on, I had no choice. I am his. I have no choice BUT to crave him, to need him, to adore and love him. He's honored me with accepting my gift. He shows his love to me on a daily basis. I've always said, its not the bunch of dozen roses that leave a lasting impact , it's the 12 single roses given.

I wish that I were the girl in this pic, that he was the man. Being his submissive, being his..... *sighs deeply ans smiles softly* I can't get over how freeing it feels.

I love you, Daddy. I find myself speechless so often when I think of you.

Sweet release for Daddy

*smiles and sighs with a bit of a drunken grin*

Daddy just emailed me this : "Hey sweetie. Drop to your knees and make Daddy hard. Cum for Daddy. Now."
 
Needless to say I did JUST that *smiles wide* I went into the bathrom, knelt on a towel by the bathtub, sitting on my feet I rubbed Daddy's clit until I came VERY hard. I felt like such a good dirty girl for him. My left arm across my nipples, hand on my right nipple, forearm on the left. *MMmmmm

I imagined His standing over me, his cock out, before my mouth. I heard him in my mind, as my thighs were on fire, my feet numb, I came hard, clenching my eyes, holding my breath, feeling my face flush from the orgasm and lack of oxygen.

I came and almost collapsed over the sde of the tub, letting the blood go back to my feet, feeling my pussy twitch a bit still.

I love being Daddy's slut. I love being his girl. Even after cumming, just thinking of him makes my pussy ache again.

Cumming for Daddy

I was a good girl today. I came so good for Daddy.

I was at work, writing him, and my mind started to wander. I was in the bathroom and I started IMing him on how I was going to cum for him today. I intended on being in the bathroom, on my knees, his pen in my pussy. I had the image in my head, I could feel the sensations in my pussy. I was also telling him about something I imaged...

This is me IMing Daddy... no *sighs* he wasnt there, but he'll get it later, and maybe read this. *grins and licks my lips as I feel my nipples harden*


12:00 PM
Daddy.. today I will cum like a good slut for you. I'll cum in the bathroom, on my knees, your pen in my pussy.
 I am your fuck toy, I NEED to be that. I have no choice. I had this image in my head as I was peeing earlier.
12:01 PM
(i think of you often then because when I pee sometimes I will feel it in my clit))
 I imagine myself laying on a bed, your inspecting me. Someone else was there. They weren't touching me, but stroking himself as he watched you.
You were whispering to me.
12:02 PM
"babygirls my sweet fuck toy, isnt that right?"
 I imagined laying there on my back with my legs parted as you were inspecting my wetness with your fingers.
 I imagined nodding and feeling myself slip into you, whispering back 'yes Daddy'
12:03 PM
You whisper "Do you have a choice babygirl?"
  I whimper and shake my head as my hips shiver and say louder "No DADDY! I dont have a choice!"
  my thighs jump because your fingers graze against my swollen clit.
12:04 PM
Daddy... I love to fantasize about you.
  I open your pictures, I look at them through drunken eyes...
  Imagining your there.
  *sighs feeling that delicious throb of Daddy's pussy
12:05 PM
 mmmmmm Daddy I do need you.
  I need to feel your cock gag me
12:06 PM
I need to feel your hand smack my ass as your hips thrust your cock so deeply into me that I scream in pain from the depth, hitting my cervix.. making me yelp as the air escapes my lungs.
12:07 PM
Daddy I need to feel my breasts against your thighs as my hands are bound behind my back.. breasts against your thighs because my mouth is being used as a fuck toy.
  Daddy.. I want my tummy issues healed, not so much for me, but I want my ass ready for you to deflower.
12:08 PM
I want my ass to be ready for your cock, your finger, or your plug.
  Oh god Daddy... I'm aching so fucking badly now...
  I need to touch myself..
  your pussy
  OOoooooo
12:09 PM
nice puddle forming at the entrance to your fuck hole.
  Oooo Daddy
  gets Daddy's pen from her purse
  Daddy I need to cum
  so badly.. so badly for you
12:10 PM
opens Daddy's pics
  sighhhhss sfeeling the ache more
  oh god daddy
12:11 PM
(slipped in pen.. standing at desk)
  sits .... fucking me with daddys pen
  whimpers oooh daddy
12:12 PM
oooo daddy.. a co-worker is in a office about 10 feet from me..
  i'll have to be very quiet
12:14 PM
sighhhsss daddyyyy
  20ft
12:15 PM
ohh daddyy
12:16 PM
daadddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
  ohhh fuck daddy
12:17 PM
*sighs a longgg happy breath
12:18 PM
 Daddy.. I think i was a good slut for you. I was very quiet.
  not even a loud breath.
  mmmmm daddy i needed that so badly
12:19 PM
Thank you so much to tasking me that.
  You know whats best for me, more than I do usually.
  I do feel better. I think its been days since your pussy has released.
12:20 PM
Thank you Daddy
12:21 PM
I feel 'me' being your slut, your girl.



*smiles wide*
Daddy.. I love you so much.

Amazing, she wrote my thoughts and didnt know it...

I found this website : www.babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com While reading one of the pages about babygirls and their Master/ Daddys.... I was blown away. How can this woman who is a perfect stranger write those words that were in my mind. I truly am his babygirl. Deep down, I dont know if I'd ever have it in me to look for nor even want another. The circumstances in which my Daddy and I have grown together are so unique, I think even an earnest effort to recreate them would be fruitless.

Here are some exerpts that.... *laughs softly*... that were pulled from my mind.


In order for a babygirl to truly be herself with her Daddy, its vital that she find the One that she trusts completely and without hesitation. This trust starts outside of the 'dungeon'. Her trust must be unwaivering and is a neccesity before the relationship can be fulfilling for B/both. A girl's submission and trust is her gift to her Master, a gift that must never be tarnished by her Daddy. A Daddy is unwaivering and consistent, which allows you to trust withough hesitation. you know you've found the One meant for you when you can say and honestly feel as though there is nothing that your Daddy would ask, that you'd not do.

I wont go on with what it says, but check the link here : http://www.babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com/whatisababygirl.htm  I am grateful that she took the time to write it. Even more grateful that I'm not alone in my thoughts and feelings.

She spoke of a "safe haven"  Daddy is that for me. He is the calm in my storm. He is the spark that ignites the flames that burn so deeply within me, I'd no idea that for so long they smoldered beneath what society smothered them with.

I'll write later of my tasks for today.

Kiss for Dadddy

I was able to exhange email/notes with Daddy last night for a few minutes. It was wonderful feeling as if he were 'there'. I miss him so much. But, I am a strong girl. I'm his babygirl and I have him in me. That fact alone makes me stronger than most. I dont say that boasting, I say that with a grateful heart.

I adore you, my One.

Just 'off'

((I started this last night, but sleep got the best of me))

Daddy's been out of (normal) touch for 5 days now. It's been the longest 5 days. He's been gone before, but it seemed as if he was in contact more. Perhaps the fact that he'll be gone for weeks this time is in the back of my mind.

Me, I was sick for a few days. I hated to tell him about it. I didn't want to take away from his vacation. But, I knew if I didn't, he'd be more cross with me. I've had to have some tests done, hopefully all will be ok... Tummy issues.

I had a good cry last night. I was missing him so badly. I vented a bit via email. All the while bawling hard. I think it helped. I'd not been able to eat, I was tired, frustrated, still had things that needed to be done for my boys (2 sons). It definitely cleared my head.

I've felt "off" since he's been gone. The longer I know him, the more I feel as if he's definitely a balance in my life. It's a new feeling for me. I was always told to not 'need' anyone, especially a man! hehe. But the need I feel for him doesn't stem from a weakness. It's like it stems from something deeper. He is such a part of me. His voice is in my head. His words of wisdom. He laugh.

I think of him and my body instantly reacts in some way or another. Right now, with him being gone so much, its an ache in my heart. It's like that home-sickness that is felt to the depth of your core when you just dont have that foundation that you need. I am a strong and intelligent woman. But I am also Daddy's babygirl. The day I gave myself to him, that I submitted my entire being t him, I was given permission to need him. He's smart, he knows the responsibility that comes with owning someone. I don't think he took collaring me lightly.

BAH! I'm rambling and whats worse my mind is skipping from one thought to another. Enough for now.

Today's kiss for Daddy 6-26

Here is Daddy's kiss for today.

I love you more than I should, more than I thought I could, and each day I am a better woman for having you in my life.

Boot time - Licking Daddy's Boot

Daddy tasked me to do something in RL that I've done many times in the Virtual World. To kneel and lick his boots. To kiss them with passion. To tend to them lovingly as my tongue licks at the leather to shine it.

I have a pair of "butch" boots. Sorta like biker boots. Black leather, thick sole, laces on the front but also zipper up the side, up over the ankles. When he brought up the task, my heart skipped. I knew I was going to enjoy doing that for him. I was pleasantly surprised how I took to it. I took some pics for him as well.


The feeling of the leather against my flat tongue as I slowly dragged it across the toe... it was mesmerizing. I didn't have any fear of "where was I last time I wore these". I just knew that what I was doing felt so good. It made my pussy ache.. one, because I was obeying my Master, two, because my mind had slipped into him and I could almost sense him there. He is buried so deeply in me. His voice echos in my mind. I could hear him as I was kneeling and licking. "There's my good girl, lick Daddy's boots nice and clean" I could almost imagine his hand along my back. I could almost feel my body tense as he reached those so very ticklish spots on my back.

Last night I said 'good night' to him as I clutched a boot. My chest on the floor, ass up in the air, my arm around the boot. I lay my cheek onto the boot and just slipped into him. Feeling him. Feeling how my mind spins when it if filled with thoughts of him.

I ache to place my lips upon his boot.

Much to catch up on...

Goodness!! Daddy's been home and I've been tasked some incredibly moving things. So much to talk about!!

But right this moment, this very second.. I'm still a bit lost in him. We just finished a text chat. Some are more "RL" where we may discuss our daily agenda or perhaps he only has popped in to say hello. He's so wonderful how even when he's so busy, he'll still pop online to say hello. Not a day goes by (except for the rare occasion he's out of town) that he and I don't chat and connect in some way shape or form. He is so good to me. I've always said that actions speak louder. And my Daddy's actions speak louder than he does. He doesn't get overly mushy. But from time to time he does, and it melts me beyond description.

Right now.. I still have the remnants of "him". It only takes a few words.. a phrase from him.. and I'm slipping into him. The conversation lead to me getting a collar for RL. My RL partner and I have discussed it. We often dabble in the BDSM, but for reasons I don't need to go into. He (RL partner)  will never be 'deep' into the lifestyle. But I've brought enough of what I've learned into our lives that its made our intimacy a lot more fun <smiles wide> So.. I asked Daddy if he found one for me that he liked, I would buy it. I would LOVE to wear it when we have our together time. It took just one phrase from him and I slipped so very hard into him... "using the collar ring to grab hold of... pushing my cock just a little deeper in that lovely throat"   <sighs and feels her mind slip> Ohhhh Daddy.... Mmmm my Master.. I so crave to be used by You. I slip into him.. I feel that subspace creeping in.  I'll have to do a post about how it feels to me. It's a form of hypnosis I think. I found a post about subspace and it hit home. I'll have to see if I can find it. I feel him still.. I feel how my head spins.. my eyes burn a bit and my breathing slips into those long deep slow breaths. I am so His.

Do I keep slipping more every day? Can it be possible? I dont know.. but it sure feels as if I do. <sighs and breaths a long content breath> I love you so Daddy.. I love you more than I thought I could. More than perhaps I should, but the depth and breadth of what I feel is all You, uniquely You, overwhelmingly You.

<breaths deeply> Ok. I'll stop the mushiness <grins>

I'm sure I'll have much more to write today to catch up :)

my Daddy

I won't reveal too much about Him. I love him too much to do anything to jeopardize His RL (Real Life).

He is probably the most intelligent man I know, yet he "holds back", I can tell ;-p  He has a peace about him that I've only encountered in people a few times in my life. When we voice chat I melt from his voice. I love that I can laugh and be silly, then in the next moment be an intelligent woman. He is the first person I've been able to truly open up to. I've got girl-friends I can talk to. But I'm too embarrassed to share about sexual desires and fantasies. I can tell him my biggest fear and my most dirty little secret, and I feel loved and understood.

Our time together started out as him being a submissive to me in a virtual world. Wow... that was over a year ago now. It was more of an experiment on His part, he's said. His main avatar is a Master. But he was the most fantastic submissive. I've always thought, it takes a great submissive to be a great Dom/Domme. Back then I fell for him, but I did my best to not 'let on'. Circumstance separated us for some months. We started talking again, more as friends, which I loved. Letting the walls down allowed me to see a bit of his depth. I asked him again to be Mine, yet he graciously declined. I had hurt Him before. I understood and I was so very happy to be able to call him friend.

It was through our chatting that it came out I was aching for a Master. I'd been a Mistress to many in this virtual world. I started out in that BDSM arena as a submissive. A friend I'd known for a while accepted my begging to be collared by him. He taught me much before I'd even thought of kneeling and I learned more being at his (virtual) feet. He was a kind and strict Master. He said I was the best slave he'd ever had. *smiles wide* I adopted much of his Dominant beliefs and feel that doing so has made me an exceptional Domme. But.. that's a story for another post *winks*

My Daddy. I do my best not to fawn over him too much. We have a private journal that I write in. He reads it and gets to know me. I will sometimes forget that he reads it. Now and then I'll see a comment from Him in it *smiles*. For a long time it was a requirement. Daily i HAD to write something. Now, here I am writing often in it and even wanting to start this blog. I love to write. I've been told I write well. I don't know if I'm grammatically or technically correct. I just write what I think and feel.

He's sooooo incredibly handsome. He's about 10 years older than me, a fact which I'm most happy with. I think older men are so much more interesting, less threatened with a woman who has half a brain, and know what they want in life. We live in the same time zone, which is nice. From what he's said, he's got a lovely family. I'd never want to do anything to risk hurting them. I'm not that selfish. He's greying which i also find so incredibly hot, and he's got these piercing eyes. His smile just makes my heart melt.

Before I even saw a picture him, I knew how I felt about. I didnt care what he looked like. His mind touched me in ways that no one ever has. When I logged in that avatar and knelt before Him for that first time, it was as if I was free. My body reacted in ways I'd never EVER felt in my life. The combination of trust, admiration, friendship... everything. I felt so comfortable and.. so at home. He was the One. He was my One.

How I feel often with him....

((Image found at this blogsite: http://remakingmosaic.blogspot.com/))

I feel so vulnerable. It frightens me at times. I've opened myself up, peeled back the layers. I can see how I'm 'naked' and so... so under his control, his spell.... I'm His. His possession, His babygirl, His fuck toy.

We have talked at length about our pet names. We both have kids, we've both questioned, is it crossing a line? We've discussed things and have said at times in some way "yes, that's too weird and not right". I am uber protective of my kids. It took me months to find a home that wasnt in a half mile of a pedophile. The last thing I want to do is to 'create' a monster by being a babygirl to a man. I have thought at great length, and I'm very comfortable with the 'roles' we have taken. I'd not change a thing.


I joke that he's ruined me. I'll always compare men to him. He's more to me than I think I can even understand. Its so rare to have it all fall into place. But it has, and I adore him.. I love him and its as if each day is like the first. My heart races and I feel all weak. Its been 6 months since I first virtually knelt before him. And I dream of doing that in RL some day. But.. regardless of that dream, every day I wake comforted to have him in my life. To have him guide me. I would have no qualms about turning over every aspect of my life to him. I trust him... BUT...  ((There is always that "But" hahaha)) to be continued...

Why Blog About This?

Ever find out that you are curious about something, you do a web search, then you find out that little is out there about it? Perhaps that's why I'm doing this. *shrugs* For the most part I'm doing it as a means of expressing myself as I delve the thoughts, ideas, and feelings of this new found.... this new found fetish that I've been "living". I use quotes because its a virtual D/s "relationship" of sorts. Virtual meaning W/we (my Daddy-Dom and I) met in a virtual world and we live out our D/s (or DD/bg) lives together there.

This blog isn't necessarily going to talk just about Him and i. But if it weren't for Him, for His being curious if I had ever referred to a Dominate as "Daddy", that spark.. the FIRE wouldn't been lit.

I hope to connect with other babygirls and learn from them. It's amazing how much of the babygirl 'fetish' that I read about is in me, its like a light bulb going off every time I come across another babygirl blog. Me? Me! I'm a 40 year old married woman with two kids, a mortgage, and bills. I live out my fantasies in the virtual world because my husband, even tho he and I play a bit with light bondage and pain, he doesn't have in him what I need and due to our history the trust that is needed, that I feel I need in a DaddyDom, isn't there.

((image is from a sort of repost from a tumblr blog : http://dilemmalee.tumblr.com/post/12572143047))


I feel like I'm about to burst. I've experienced so many new feelings, sensations, and.. like this growth in me that is filling me with such... such love.

I have a DaddyDom (whom I will refer to as just Daddy) that I love. I love Him more than I thought I could, more than I should, and so incredibly... I just cant put it into words. How different it is. How, how fulfilling.. how freeing!

My heart is so full when I think of Him. I crave to kneel before Him and I crave to serve Him. I have given myself to Him. But that is for another blog post *winks*

A side note, He's in a committed RL relationship and no, neither one of us is about to selfishly turn our Real Lives upside down to be together. Do I hope someday to be with Him? It is a dream. I'm allowed to dream. *smiles wide*